Falling off the wagon...

I know I don't have many avid readers, but for those of you that do read, all I can say is that I suck at updating. I could say I've been busy or whatnot, but in all actuality-I just didn't feel like updating. Maybe that's why my followers are now only at 13?

Anyway, let's do a quick recap shall we?

CJ is great. He's almost 5! Less than a month-about three weeks. I'm so excited but kind of sad at the same time :( My baby isn't a baby anymore. We're on a roll with the Autism screenings. We have two in the month of October! The really yucky one is on the 2nd...that's when they'll be taking blood from him. Who agrees that bribing my child with Toy Story 1 and 2 at the theaters is a fantastic idea? Okay, good-that's what I thought!

I was on a roll with the weight loss. That quickly came to a halt. For the last month all I really have to show for it is the FIVE pounds I gained back. Yeah, my butt is getting back to the gym and eating better. I can't say I got lazy, I just got happy!

Why am I happy? Because I have a great boyfriend. Yes, I am not single anymore! Woo-hoo!!! B and I made if "official" on September 5th. He is so awesome! How awesome? He brought me a gift last night. Dark chocolate and hot pink argyle slipper sock thingy's! The chocolate is so yummy and the socks- he got them because my feet are always freezing. How sweet is that?

Lastly, today is the first day of fall and it feels like winter! It's snowing in Denver and it's in the 40's here. I'm loving it since fall/winter clothes are so fun! The cold wind makes me want to crawl under my covers and just read, but I need to go the gym and do homework...

Well, that's the basic update. I'm going to get better at this updating thing. Sometimes I don't know what to write. Please accept this cute picture of my child as my gift to you for putting up with my slacker-ishness!


Who can't love a face like that? This is CJ modeling his fall wear. He picked out all of his clothes for the season! LOL

Thankful Thoughts

I am an avid blog reader. I follow 30ish blogs and read the updates faithfully everyday. Some blogs I read are happy and uplifting and they're so much fun to read. Others make you think and the few that are left are the ones that are having hard times-whether it's an ill child or spouse or the author is losing their house and lost their job. Reading other peoples good times and struggles has really given me a new view point about what is going on with CJ.

CJ had his first appointment yesterday for the Autism screening. I was going around telling people it was "just a speech eval". We had been through one before, I thought I knew what to expect. CJ and I arrived at Childrens Hospital and I was just hit with something telling me that it could be so much worse, but all I wanted to think about was how "bad" CJ had it. This hospital was such a welcoming place....there were windows everywhere, the staff were overly beyond friendly and the hospital was very much made for kids.

Mary Kay was our speech pathologist. At first I didn't really like her. She seemed rigid and I wondered why she had picked a field with children. After getting through the initial testing (concepts, comprehension, articulation and vocabulary) CJ was able to play and all three of us relaxed. Little did I know the play was part of the evaluation.

Sitting in the room watching my son was hard but not so hard that I thought I was going to lose it. It was difficult to watch him not understand concepts he should or not understand what she was saying. This was expected but I didn't know to what level.

After play time she started talking to me, asking me questions about his personality, social skills, etc. She was writing so fast! LOL She asked me to play with CJ to watch him interact with a familiar adult and then we just let him play. During the play time this is when the news came.

I feel blessed to have Mary Kay. She knew exactly what to say to me and how to put it. She said that some of the behaviors and lack of development CJ showed her were definitely on the Autism Spectrum as others were just him not developing at the average rate. She gave me a lot of recommendations and a lot of information. The words she spoke to me were expected, but actually hearing them was a lot harder than I thought it would be.

I held it together until I got onto the freeway. I hid my face from CJ. I don't ever want him to think there is something wrong with him. I didn't want him to know that I was crying.

Today I was over at Kelly's Korner. I love her blogs. She had posted a video and it was a tear jerker. I then read the story of the family in the video and it really got me thinking. Yes, Autism isn't easy. The therapies are not cheap and taking care of a "special needs" child takes a lot of time. What I was looking at was how much I have. I have been blessed with my son. I get to hug him and listen to him and play with him whenever I want-even sometimes when I don't want too :)-while other people spend their days praying that their child will make it. Other parents may be grieving over the loss of a child.

Everyday is a day to be thankful for. Life is tough and full of trying times. You have to remember that you have been given this life and you have to live so why not make it a good one?

Autism Update

I've been receiving a lot of questions about when I'll know more about CJ and his possible diagnosis. We will be having a series of four appoints that span til December.

Our first one is August 21. It is with the speech therapist. I'm not too worried about this one. Last year CJ had been working with the best Speech Therapist and I know he has some speech issues. Those of you that talk to CJ also know that as well. I'm becoming more and more fluent in his garbled vocabulary.

The second and third are in October. Cotober 2 is with the Developmental Pediatrician. This one makes me a little uncomfortable. I know that CJ is developing at a slower rate. He will turn 5 two weeks following that appointment and I know that he can't do a lot of the things he's "supposed" to. October 21 is the Occupation Therapist appointment. This one I'm not too worried about.

December 22nd is going to the be the doozy of the appointments. It's with a psychologist and it's going to be anywhere from 3-5 hours. I'm praying that the psychologist is easy to talk to and work with and also doesn't make me feel down right dumb. I know what I see in my child and I know how he acts and talks...just because he doesn't do everything at that moment doesn't mean it doesn't happen! Sorry about that, there's been a past with doctors that do that. Anyway, this will be the hardest appointment for me. Thankfully my mom is going to be able to come.

I've been keeping a list of things that I notice about CJ that I believe are not "right". I feel like I'm almost grieving. At first I was mad then I went to denial. After I scheduled all the appointments I thought "he's fine, he doesn't need these" then I went back to mad. I was viewing this as something that was done to me and finally, I got smacked in the face. This isn't happening to me, it's happening to CJ. God knows that I'm a strong person and that I can handle this and that's why he's chosen me to take CJ on this journey. I'll admit, it's very hard still and I'm getting tired of waiting but in the end it's going to be worth it.

Sorry this post is so long...It all needs to get out there! If you have advice or words or wisdom please send them my way. I've talked to a couple of mothers of younger, high functioning Austistic boys and they have been such a help.

A tad frustrated..

So, I've been waiting and waiting and waiting to get CJ evaluated. It seems like I've been waiting forever. I finally threw a bit of a fit on the phone with the scheduler (poor lady) about what the hold up is. Apparently they've been very busy b/c of the end of the school year....wait, I sent my stuff 2 months ago!

She didn't know what the hold up was but the good news is he is now in the computer and a psychologist is reviewing the paperwork. I was told it would take a week, it's now going to take yet another week before I know what kind of schedule CJ will be on. We'll have a couple different appointments then have to wait for the review and then I'll finally get a diagnosis. Geesh!

But, overall I can't complain. CJ is truly my little blessing. I have been fighting the lonelies (being the last of your single friends is hard LOL) and this morning I get woken up by my amazing son. He climbs on top of me, puts his head in the crook of my neck, hugs me and says "I love my mommy". I wanted to cry. He's my dude, I can't imagine life without him.

So here's a picture of him last summer. Photo taken by Robyn.
I love his sort of mohawk! The guy in the background is my friend Gabe...he's coming home in a few days. He's been in Germany forever!