Saturday, February 28, 2009

Venting...

I have found that I am more expressive with writing than talking so I'm taking it to my blog. It's 11:22 pm and I can't sleep so bare with me if this doesn't make sense.

I have been feeling very under appreciated lately. Not just by one or two people, but by a lot of people--friends, family. I have a very select group of friends that I keep near and dear to me. The rest of my friends only call when they need something or something so very dramatic is happening that they want everyone to know. I'm tired of one sided friendships. I'm tired of male friends trying to cross the friendship line with me. I'm tired of male friends telling me they have feelings for me then treating me like total garbage. I'm tired of "family" members (friends that are so close they're like family) forgetting about me even when I'm waving the red flag that says "help me, I need you".

I've decided that I just need to fend for myself. I need to stop relying on others. If I want something or something needs to be done or if I'm being mistreated (in my mind) I'm going to remedy the problem. I'm tired of waiting on others. I can't wait anymore for anyone! There is no reason! While I wait for you, my life keeps moving. My life needs to move in the direction thats best for me, not in the direction that's best for me while I wait for you.

I am 24 years old. I am a mom. I am college educated. And I support myself. I don't need anyone. If you're in my life it's because I want you there. I love my friends and family but it's time to cut the cords. I love talking with my friends (even you crazy ones lol) and bitching with them. I love my family/"family" dearly. But honestly, I'm done with the crap. Your crap is your crap. I'll listen and I'll give my advice (if you want it) but I'm not going to fix it. I have my own crap to fix.

Okay, I'm done...this may not make sense but give me a break...I've got Nyquil in my system, it's late and I'm mad LOL

PS: Thanks Nicole for letting me talk things out with you on your drive home a few minutes ago :)

1 comment:

Maryx8815 said...

I'm in the same position now girl!
And I feel quite the same way you do. I'm tired of bending over backwards for other people out of the goodness of my heart and never having it returned to me. It sucks. And it's wrong.

I've already cut some cords. It feels good. Believe me.