Life Update

I have been rather neglectful of my blog lately. I've been busy on top of dealing with some major stressors.

So where do I start? Lets start with CJ. CJ has TriCare for insurance and they are denying him getting any further evaluation for autism. They are also denying him speech therapy, behavioral therapy and occupational therapy. Their reasoning is really quite ridiculous. According to the numerous letters I've received, they're not authorizing it because there is not enough clinical backing to prove that this is necessary. WTF??

I have stopped the job search. I know, sounds like I've lost my mind. Until we get the diagnosis and find out what exactly CJ will be doing for "treatments" I have decided that it's best that I don't start a new job. Upon coming to this conclusion I have also dropped him down to two days a week at daycare. I'm considering just pulling him completely. I'm not being treated very well by them. Long story.

I have been deep in thought about whether or not to keep my blog or not. I don't have too many people reading this blog...I have 8 followers. I haven't made any final decisions but I thought I'd throw it out there.

God bless!

It's beautiful day!

CJ and I have had such a great day! We started out a little late this morning (he's a good sleeper!) but we have had so much fun today!

I had my training session today at the gym...Ashlie kicked my boo-tay. It was awesome yet at the same time I totally hated her LOL She's awesome...I highly reccommend her. While I work out, there's a play place for the kids to go run around and have fun. CJ loves it there!

I've been trying (trying is the keyword lol) to eat better. I havent' been but the last couple days have shaped up. Today for lunch CJ and I cut up a bunch of fresh fruit. It was delicious...I love spring for this reason!

Once cut up we headed outside for a picnic in the front yard followed by some amazing "toss the football". Overall, it's amazing that after working out and eating right how much energy I really do have!

Life is Good!

That's all I can say. That's what it comes down to!

Last week was pretty hard for me. For a few (3) years my family and I have been noticing development delays, "stims", and other characteristics of autism in CJ. His pediatrician kept saying he was fine. Everyone that spent any time with him at all noticed how far behind his peers he was and that's he's just not full of cognitive ability. Well, finally I decided to switch doctors. We saw a new pediatrician that said that CJ wasn't autistic but had something similar called Hyper Kinetic Disorder and ADHD. So basically he was just going to be immature. His level of concepts and speaking would be 2-3 years behind his peers. We started aggressive speech therapy.

Well, he hasn't been improving. He does say some new words now and then, but not enough to be considered an improvement. He also started exhibiting new signs that had me worried (walking on tip toes, hiding, new "stims"). I took him to the doctor for a physical, expressed my concerns and that's when the bomb was dropped. The pediatrician is pretty sure he's Autistic.

I thought I was ready to hear it. I had been waiting years(!) for this diagnosis. I thought I would take the news well. I immediately left after filling out some insurance info, dropped CJ off at school and got in the car. I started balling. Full on blubbering. I felt like a whole new bomb had been dropped on me.

At that point, I realized two things:
1: It's not about me. I'm not the one that is autistic. I'm not the one that deals with it day in and day out. I'm not the one that can't communicate or sometimes control myself. It's not about me!!
2: As much as it's not about me, I'm still his mom. I'm still alone. I'm still dealing with it on my own. I'm going to be the one that gets him evaluated, taking him to speech/occupation therapists and doing the right thing at home.

For those of you that know me...I'm so tired of being alone. I could just scream. CJ's dad is pretty non existent at times and I've been doin this alone since late 2006.

While at the gym tonight (I know, go me!) I came to the conclusion that Life is Good. I need to stop worrying about what I don't have and the stuff I have to "deal" with and just realize how good it truly is.

I have a happy son. I have a loving son. And I get him all to myself. I don't have to share him with anyone. Life is good!

I'm alive

I am alive and there is no one seriously injured or dying (that I know of). The next few weeks are going to be pretty hard but bearable. I have my free therapy aka blog stalking to keep me out of bed...unless I use the laptop...hmmm....that's a good idea...

Anyway, thanks for the prayers.

Fun stuff: Amy is having a super fun giveaway. It's not sponsored by Swoozies but there is Swoozie product involved...looks like lot's of fun!

Life

My life has taken a semi-unexpected turn. I'm going to be going through a lot of things with CJ over the course of the next few weeks. I ask that everyone keep us in their prayers. I will send updates when I get them...

Ellen...

Ellen Degeneres has come up a couple of times the last couple days.

First, I was lunch with Gary at Racines in Denver yesterday and the bartender looked just like Ellen but with grey hair. She dance and had fun...it was pretty funny.

And today, Melissa from The Bachelor is on Ellen. I'm very excited. I loved Melissa and like the rest of America is pretty mad at Jason and thinks he's a "d" bag. Guess who's on tomorrow? Jason and Molly...this ought to be good!

Oh yeah, and I survived my personal trainer. She super nice and of course I want her body LOL I'll get there soon!

I'm nervous!!

So, a lot of you know I signed up at 24 Hour Fitness. They were having some great deals and I thought "this is a smart way to use my tax return". Well, one of my investments was/is personal training. I leave for my first session in 15 min. I'm nervous! It's with a female, which I prefer. If it were a cute guy I'd be too busy trying to impress him and flirt with him LOL Ashlie, my trainer, called me yesterday and she seems pretty cool

Wish me luck!

Me and my doormat ways...

...have yet to completely disappear.

So, earlier I told you all my friend might be getting stationed in Camp Pendleton. Well, guess where he landed last night??? I'm truly excited for him. Here's the snafu...I haven't really heard more than a couple words from him since Thursday. He texts me last night at midnight (his plane landed 11 Cali time) and not only did I jump for joy, but I called him! Apparently a simple text wouldn't cut it for me.

If that's all I had done I would have been half way okay, but that's not it. He hurried me off the phone (he was getting bags and stuff) and so I texted him. We used to always text...well that was my excuse. I told him I missed my friend, he blamed himself, I told him it was "okay" bc he's been stressed and probably needed space, he said he missed me too and he was sorry and I forgave him. The last text was me saying he was forgiven. I didn't get a good night, or a thanks or anything. He's left me hanging again.

I'm such a doormat. My doormat ways will not leave. After being "good" for so many days I revert into old habits. ::sigh:: Why do guys do this crap?

Give 4 Kayleigh

I wanted to let you all know about a great thing. I have been following the Freemans blog about their daughter Kayleigh. She was born premature has fought and won so many battles in the NICU. The only catch is medical bills pile up...quickly. I think if each of us can contribute, even just a dollar, then that will get them one stop closer. Check out the banner on my side bar...

I've been shredded....

...by Jillian Michaels. I got my copy of 30 Day Shred yesterday from Target. I was excited. I had heard some great things. I started out at Level 1 because, well, I've been stagnant for 3 years lol. My legs gave out after like 10 minutes. Seriously, I could not stand anymore lol. I had to crawl up the stairs and everything. This morning, I am not sore, but weak. I feel like I'm a toddler learning to walk again. But wow, that's all I have to say. Maybe tomorrow I'll make it 11 minutes :D

Not Me!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

What didn't I do??

I certainly did not stay in bed for two hours after my son was up and counted on my parents to watch him. I certainly was not sicker than sick and feeling like death had washed over me.

I did not procrastinate on laundry just to find myself having my son wearing hot pink sweat pants that he had to wear home from school a few weeks ago. Oh and I have not been forgetful in returning them. :)

I did not decided that it was time to start living for me and no one else...seriously why else would I decided that? I do not think that I should stop being a doormat to everyone and I do not think I should stop disrespecting myself.

Overall, physically it really hasn't been a productive week but emotionally my life had a makeover. Yay!

What didn't you do this week?

Love is...

....my mommy.

Thank you CJ. I love you!